Funding 101

Once again, it's the time of year when scientists around the country scramble to assemble their half-baked ideas into a coherent document, to which we refer as a grant application, that explains why their ideas are important, how they intend to pursue them, what they think it will cost, and what the outcome will mean for millions of people worldwide. In reality, this time of year occurs three times per year and it not only becomes the focus of the individual's every waking thought, but it also can turn said individual into a sleep-deprived, irrational zombie with a wild-yet defeated- look in the eyes. While this process is repeated ad nauseum for most scientists, it is incomprehensible to the lay person. And rightly so. When one ventures into the realm of academia, one must suspend disbelief as he/she enters into bizarro-land. But let me try to describe it to you and get you all schooled up in the wacky ways of American academic science.

First off, not all research institutions (universities, medical schools, hospitals, etc.) require that an individual supply 100% of his/her salary. It just so happens that my particular institution does. This is called soft money. If they offered me any unconditional love, it would be referred to as hard money. But nada. So I am left to sing for my supper and apply to federal institutions or private foundations in order to keep the lights on. Most of our money for salary and research expenses comes from the NIH. This is the National Institutes of Health which is part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The NIH is made up of 27 institutes and centers, the mission of which is to pursue “fundamental knowledge about the nature and behavior of living systems and the application of that knowledge to extend healthy life and reduce the burdens of illness and disability”. Pretty noble, eh? Their other less widely-known mission is to “ensure that all who apply are reduced to quivering puddles of self-doubt lest they think their umpteen years of education and training qualify them to do anything of importance other than ticket taking at Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride”. Within the NIH, the particular agency to which I apply for a good kick in the teeth is the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA). Their mission is to lead the nation “in addressing the most fundamental and essential questions about drug abuse –from detecting and responding to emerging drug abuse trends and understanding how drugs work in the brain and body to developing and testing new treatment and prevention approaches”. So there.

Now I’m not necessarily being fair, because in all honesty, NIDA has been pretty supportive of all my training to date. My jaded attitude comes more from the process of submission itself because of how protracted-even excruciating- it can be. Also I’m tired of being considered a peon. The process though, is what really beats a person down. Say a grant application is due October 1st. One would probably start thinking about it in a casual manner by the end of the summer, but it’s not until about two weeks prior to the due date when the principal investigator is transformed into a frantic whirring dervish. The application gets put together hastily, it’s submitted, and the waiting begins…Then in March it is peer-reviewed. At this point the grant receives a score between 100 and 500, with 100 being the most meritorious. Then the waiting continues…Please do not think that just because a grant receives a good-or even a great-score it will get funded. You would be quite silly to think that. But the grants that are scored favorably (a score less than 200 but in this day and age more like between 100 and 150 depending on the particular mechanism) get to advance to the next round of waiting. This continues throughout the summer during which the investigator and everyone associated with the application is on pins and needles, sending frantic emails to their contact person in the funding agency, trying to predict which way the wind will blow, waiting either to uncork some champagne or off themselves in some dramatic fashion that surely will make everyone sorry . Finally, for those who are fortunate enough to receive the golden ticket, there is a flurry of paperwork in late July while NIH gets ready to start sending actual money to the research institution. Now, with the notice of grant award in hand, it is time for the investigator to celebrate. Unfortunately, at this point everyone is so over it and drained by the 12-month emotional roller coaster that they simply go home, put on pajamas, and eat everything in sight before going to sleep for 15 hours. Never mind that now the proposed experiments actually need to get underway…

In contrast, for those whose scores were less than satisfactory, provided they received a score at all, it’s back to the drawing board so this cycle can begin again as soon as possible. And those, my friends, are the cliffs notes to federal funding for research.