Green-eyed monster

Ah, yes. Envy. According to Wikipedia, Aristotle defined envy as "the pain caused by the good fortune of others". In the Catholic Church envy is a deadly sin and makes an appearance in the book of Exodus: "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his donkey." A complex emotion fraught with conflict and laced with negative connotations, envy is more than just jealousy or resentment. I am not going to deliver a deep philosophical soliloquoy addressing the nuances that separate those feelings, but I do often muse about others' envious behavior-as we would define it loosely and in conversational terms.

I refer to others' behavior rather than my own not only because it's easier to dissect the actions and words of other people than it is to reflect on one's own, but also because I don't seem to possess the envy gene. Or at least I don't express the gene. I know this because I test myself often. Granted, it's not a sophisticated test-there are no real genetic measures involved-but I just ask myself, "Do I covet my neighbour's house? What about his ox or donkey?". The answer is typically a resounding "no". This is an amazing feat because I am surrounded by good-looking, smart, successful people who could inspire a person with low self-esteem to jump off the nearest building if he/she was indeed susceptible to envy. But alas, no dice.

Others, however, have a way of projecting a vibe, and I can sense this vibe. For whatever reason, I have an antenna that alerts me to haters. I call them haters because their envy inevitably breeds resentment that over time will morph into hate. Hate for the object of their envy, themselves, or a combination of both. They don't necessarily realize they feel this way, and most likely they would deny it if called out, but they ooze it. I believe their "hating" is a result of some insecurity or self-esteem issues. This is an untested hypothesis, mind you, but it does appear to be a common denominator among the sample I have observed to date. There is the friend who sabotages your friendship with another mutual friend to make herself feel more popular, the colleague who wouldn't dream of congratulating you for receiving an award to make herself feel more successful, or the parent who trivializes everything that comes out of your mouth to make himself sound smarter or more of an authority. Haters are everywhere and they are threatened by self-assured people. But thankfully, if you have the misfortune of interacting with enough of them, you can learn to recognize the signs as soon as they begin to manifest themselves.

If you are the on the receiving end of snide remarks or some kind of back-handed compliment, you are dealing with a hater. If you begin downplaying accomplishments or hiding extravagant purchases, you are being hated on. If other person laments how "lucky" you are, watch out-hater on board! There is nothing you can do with these people because the problem is theirs entirely. You must avoid, avoid, avoid! Back away from the hater! This can be especially difficult if that person happens to be a family member or someone with whom you must interact daily. But believe me, this is the only viable course of action. Thankfully one of my best friends and fellow anti-hater gave me a token to ward off the evil eye. I hung it over the front door of my house to protect me and my home from envy. God help the hater who walks in thinking I don't deserve that donkey.